Beethoven In Trance - Episode 21

Couple days ago I was sitting in my cube and thinking about the conversation I had with one of my friends back home in China the night before.

It wasn't a smooth conversation, we disagree on the 'meaning of life' type of topic as usual. I sense Shanghai has became so competitive that people there are getting squeezed enough to twist. I bet I will be looked as a 'country boy' now in Shanghai (or maybe not). I can somehow imagine myself in Shanghai, living with parents, thinking about finding the next job for a bigger pay everyday if I am not here. I don't think I will develop the interest in cooking or travelling, because I will be too busy with thinking about money. Reality there doesn't allow me to think about anything else.

Or maybe I am wrong. I become less and less competitive due to lazyness. This 'country style' living has dulled my edge (if I have had any). I have indeed become a 'country boy' with no ambition bigger than putting down a vegetable garden before next spring...

What's wrong with me or him? This is a live example of how the environment can change a person. I am suprised to see how differ we are on this subject of life.

It all comes down to money, a measure of success around the world. Though most of us understand money is not the only thing that makes a person happy. But without money will be a pain (unless you are homeless person who don't work for money. The song 'Mr. Wandel' by Arrested Development described that).

Am I getting better or worse? I think this is the essential question that I want to and I am afraid to ask myself. I can say for certain that I become a different person since I came to US. But am I becoming a better person? In which areas? Are those improvements substantial enough to lift me to another level?

Hum... lots of questions...

I used to miss the days in high school when I 'work hard and play hard'. But not lately. Maybe I was too busy playing 'Titan Quest'. Job has become less painful.

When I was in Shanghai, I always felt that 'something' is missing. I thought 'it' was that I wasn't here in US. Now if I was asked this question, I will have a different answer. What's missing in my life now? I can't really tell. I have lovely wife, a house, a new car, a job that I can actually handel, people at work are nice enough to work with. Friends, are less here as we don't social that often. Our friends are still those who we met at school.

to be continued...